30/10/08

I am getting more and more sick on caring for frenz anymore...caring on them only come with making myself in bad mood....from today onwards...i will only care for the ppl that worth my caring...i will be mean to the others.....stop thinking abt ppl that around u....think more for ur self...sometimes it juz need to be more selfish....

today went out and have dinner with didi, ru, ting, yan....some conversation catch some of my attention....ting said abt couple suiciding and saying them take life as a joke and something like that....while she is saying that something come in to my mind..."what u know about life actually? a girl that nvr really suffer b4....how much she knows abt life? Haha...suicide mean stupid? Lmao..."

I am done with our friendship....i wont do anything to save up our relationship...i will juz let it be how the way it should be...u all dun really mean much for me thru....i treat u all as frenz...u all treat me as joke....yeap....thats life......

Interesting words that inspired me....

These day i hav been confuse abt life...what life suppose to be....it is so meaningless...whats the point of living...i really duno abt it....but then today....some words hav inspired me...eventhru it nvr solve my question..but it really inspired me....


"life has no meaning

u r the one who need to create meaning"

said by miss wong wei ru...

yea...its so true...is told by wei ru....i was kinda shocked actually...words like this come from her mouth...really.....ermm....weird?? xD ahahhaa....thx ru....thx for everything u did for me....

Confuse

I am confuse....

Confuse about life,

confuse about love,

confuse about friends,

confuse about myself....


What is the meaning of life towards everyone? I cant find my point of living in this world anymore....i dun believe in reincarnation... Living in a robotic way...work, earn money, work and work and work...till the end of the life...repeating every single thing that u do in ur life....is this what life suppose to be? Everythings is juz a illusion at the end of our life...so? Why are we trying to hard to reach an illusion? What is the point? I really dun get it...

Love? What do love seem to be for u? Love from the partner? Love from the family? Love from the friends? I been being hurt badly in love....there is no trust for me to put on into love anymore...Family? Girl? Everything is juz so much diff frm what it tells...Can't really put in 100% of my trust on things... Or maybe is juz that i expected too much compare to the others? Expectation that only come with dissapointment...

Friends towards me now is so much diff compare to what i tought last time... How long hav a friend call me juz bcuz he/she care how am i doing? I duno...been too long for me to remember i guess...friends only come to me when they need my help....or they are bored, coz no1 is there to accompany them.... I am juz a replacement....

Me? Who am i? What is the purpose of existing in this world? I...don't know....im confuse who shuold i to be... Putting a fake mask everyday and actually annoyed ppl....am i suppose to become back what i really was? I don't know... I am confuse.....the mask i put on is to make ppl around me not to worry about me....and make the ppl around me to be happy....but....it seem to the other way around?

Who Am I?

25/10/2008

Been sleeping kinda late nowadays....really felt damn tired...inside and outside of myself....

Fallen in sleep while im infront of the trafic light when i was on the way to college...kena HONK!! =) the 1st time...haha....

After class went for cs training.....really cant performence at all....abit stress in the game.....=(

At abt 10 something, wei ru call me and ask me out for yam cha....ru, u know how long u nvr called me ad? =P ahahaha.....went yamcha at murni and saw janson, edwin, william they all there...so "ngam" hahaha.....

come back at abt 12 something....on9 for awhile.....receive wei ru's msg at 1 something...which asked me am i home ad?

Thx Ru....thx for the caring.....thx that letting me know in this world there is still someone who willing to care for me.....ur carring had warm up my heart....=)

where am i belong to?

Where am i belong to? Cc frenz, working frenz, secondary school frenz, college frenz...?? I cant really find my belong....everyone seem to hav their own group...and im juz a passager to everyone....come in and out.....

Where am i belong to? I am confuse....knowing too many frenz is not really a good things i guess...when the time I really need someone....and there wont b anyone that is close enough to spare me the love.....haha.....i guess i will juz be a loner.....

Alone and stop expecting anything from anyone....

22/10/08

Dun really wanna post anything...but then...this is the 1st time that i post a blog in the class...xD haha...ntg much....lalalala

20/8/2008

I felt very lonely these days...coz frenz around me started to couple and couple....holding each other hand, hugging and kissing each other....

For that, i hav been being very desperate into love in these few days....and now im glad that to say....im no longer desperate...=) But still...i feel the lonelyness in my heart....juz so hard to find someone to lay on....

Friends dont really seem to be like what it used to be...i seem to be like nothing toward my friends....is it because of i do not stick to a group? Or juz bcuz of my attitude? I dun really know...it juz seem like my exist is nothing towards this world...

17/10/08

Being more and more lonely nowadays...

hav been taking part in Wgt, going for some training....homework and assignment started to b more and more....time really consume out alot....

Frenz seem to be more and more far compare to the last time.... I seem to be nothing......nothing really matter in the world.....

Whats the meaning of fren? I started to confuse abt this word.....frenz....friend? No one would really care about me.....is this suppose to be happen when u got alot of friends? Or....juz the quality of frenz had changed?

Human are juz a puppet of Life....puppet......

WGT im coming!

Decided to join WGT this year....i know is not a right choice...going for the 6th week ad but still wanna go for WGT....i really think god will spawn time to me...hahaha....but....nvm la......juz follow what my heart tell me to do.


WGT!!! I AM COMING!!!!

Training, drawing, homework, assignment, exam....etc etc......HonWai....u think u r God ar? u r G...but not God....=______=

.........

Nowadays cant really control my emotional anymore....sickness become worse and worse...duno how long can i stand it....the feeling of death is so real again....


Who am i? The sentence that keep repeating in my head....

I wish.....everything can just go back to what it was....

I wish.....i dun grow up..........

I wish......i dun hav a brain.......

Nothing will be coming on what i wished for.....this is what life is.....

I am just nothing......the feel of death is juz so strong...again.....no1 is beside me to support.....i am all alone again.......things that on the surface is juz so unreal.....everythings are lies....what should i believe on....? Who should i believe on?

Annoying me?

ㄚａｎ【6 + 12 + 1990 = 2008 】[Peter Pan Syndrome]
not in the mood to chat with u
not busy

- HonWai -
=.=
y?
angry at me ar?

ㄚａｎ【6 + 12 + 1990 = 2008 】[Peter Pan Syndrome]
duno

- HonWai -
=_____=

ㄚａｎ【6 + 12 + 1990 = 2008 】[Peter Pan Syndrome]
no

- HonWai -
wat did i do?
T_______T

ㄚａｎ【6 + 12 + 1990 = 2008 】[Peter Pan Syndrome]
nth

- HonWai -
nth den dun feel like toking to me
sob sob...
i so inocent...
T____T

ㄚａｎ【6 + 12 + 1990 = 2008 】[Peter Pan Syndrome]
the way u tok
very annoying
to tell the truth onie




Am i really that annoying?

Again?

Really getting more and more confuse nowadays....am i in love again? I am not really sure abt my feelings....cant really handle it anymore....bcome more and more difficult to handle my emotional nowadays....

Knowing that loving her is something that i shouldn't.....but? Am i really in love with her? I really cant tell.....

FUCKTARD DAY!

Overnight at vincent's house, wake up early in the morning...left hand fucking pain....got class today, force to drive back home....fucking hard to change the gear....

Reached home...hand situation getting worse...decided not to go to the class and hav a rest in the house....After taking the painkiller and the rest, hand feeling much more better....

Planed last week ago that today suppose to go out with Wei Ru, so i sms her and ask her what time should i go and pick her up... She replied at abt 12pm, telling me that she needs to help her mum to do something 1st, will let me know when she is free...

Damn hungry....coz not yet even taken my breakfast....wanted to wait for wei ru and hav the meal with her...wait and wait and wait.....cannot stand it anymore....So i decided to go out and c wat movie is nice to watch.....went to 1u walked around....got idea of wat movie to watch ad...wei ru still not ready.....so...i went to blitzone and wait for her call....


At 3.30 wei ru msg me...telling me that li theng asked her to go out....GOOD!!! mean i kena ffk!!! and drag the time till abt 4pm....which i confirmed that i kena ffk ad....i drive back home...BUT!!! the fucktard car got something wrong....will auto turn off suddenly....Woohooo!!! Almost get my self killed by a MyV.....

After the turning off and on ride....a miracle that i reached my home safely.....CB FUCKTARD DAY!!! ZzZZzzZzzzZzzz.......